Hi loyal readers, all 13 of you, there is a new home for my blogposts and those of some of my most creative and intelligent colleagues. It is called Mormon Perspectives. Please go and read my posts there (I may post here occasionally, too, I'm not sure yet), comment on what you read, and join the conversation.
Thanks,
M. E. Pickett
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Conference Talk of the Week
We are taught in the church to seek out the guidance of the Holy Ghost. If we have received the Gift of the Holy Ghost and are living worthy of it, then we have a right to be guided by it. This is called personal revelation. Yet, in his talk, "Gospel Learning and Teaching," Brother David M. McConkie says this:
"Brothers and sisters, it is contrary to the economy of heaven for the Lord to repeat to each of us individually what He has already revealed to us collectively. The scriptures contain the words of Christ. They are the voice of the Lord. Studying the scriptures trains us to hear the Lord’s voice."
What is the relationship, then, between scripture study and personal revelation?
"Brothers and sisters, it is contrary to the economy of heaven for the Lord to repeat to each of us individually what He has already revealed to us collectively. The scriptures contain the words of Christ. They are the voice of the Lord. Studying the scriptures trains us to hear the Lord’s voice."
What is the relationship, then, between scripture study and personal revelation?
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Should Mormon Parents Emulate Chinese Parents?
An article recently appeared in the Wall Street Journal entitled, “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior.” As you can imagine, it caused quite a lot of stir. A lot of people had negative reactions to it. They accused the author, Amy Chua, of being heartless, too demanding, obsessive, and cruel. After reading the article, I can see why people would react this way, but at the same time, I noticed a lot of things in Chua's article that Western parents should emulate. I'll take this space to comment on some of the passages from the article that I think demonstrate how Western parents, and Mormon parents, for that matter, should be more like Chinese parents. Passages from Chua's article are within quotation marks.
"What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up."
How many children see how easy something looks while watching it on TV, beg to be allowed to do it, and then give up trying when they find that it is actually very hard. I know I did that at least once as a child. Is it okay to do it once? Sure. Is it okay to make it a habit? Absolutely not. Where I differ from Chua is that I think that children, whenever possible, should choose what they are spending this kind of effort doing. For example, I will do everything in my power to make my children want to play baseball, but if they ultimately decide that they like basketball more, I will let them focus on that sport (after I drop them off on the doorstep of some basketball-loving family that they can join).
"Chinese parents can get away with things that Western parents can't. Once when I was young—maybe more than once—when I was extremely disrespectful to my mother, my father angrily called me 'garbage' in our native Hokkien dialect. It worked really well. I felt terrible and deeply ashamed of what I had done. But it didn't damage my self-esteem or anything like that. I knew exactly how highly he thought of me. I didn't actually think I was worthless or feel like a piece of garbage."
Some of the greatest instigators for me to change have been moments when I felt like garbage. Neither of my parents have ever called me that or anything comparable, but I think that the principle that Chua is talking about here still applies. This principle is to hold children to a high standard and to let them know when they are not meeting it. I don't mean a standard such as a shooting percentage in basketball or performance on a test (we'll return to that topic later), but a simple standard of behavior. Let them know that you know that they have dissapointed in a specific instance (not that they are disappointments in general; we don't need our kids to be as messed up as the guy in Inception). I remember the moments when I disappointed someone I wanted to impress, and I have improved because of them.
"First, I've noticed that Western parents are extremely anxious about their children's self-esteem. They worry about how their children will feel if they fail at something, and they constantly try to reassure their children about how good they are notwithstanding a mediocre performance on a test or at a recital."
I do believe that we place far too much emphasis on self-esteem in our culture. I believe that when self-esteem becomes the main focus of raising children, the experiences that will actually build self-esteem don't ever happen. What are those experiences? Succeeding at something that was hard, developing self-discipline, working to accomplish a goal, and many other things. Getting praised for little effort does not build self-esteem. It builds a big (unjustifiably big, I might say) ego. This is a hard line to walk because parents have to determine if their child's performance was the best he or she could have done or if he or she could have reasonably done better.
"Chinese parents demand perfect grades because they believe that their child can get them. If their child doesn't get them, the Chinese parent assumes it's because the child didn't work hard enough."
I believe that a child's grades in school are a better reflection of that child's work ethic than intelligence. It is possible that a child isn't capable of grasping Calculus, but I was raised with the notion that anyone can do anything that they put their mind to. Parents should be more willing to push their children to work hard rather than shrugging their shoulders because that's just what their child is capable of.
"Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. The reason for this is a little unclear, but it's probably a combination of Confucian filial piety and the fact that the parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children."
Too often we see Western parents who, if they don't believe the opposite of this, behave as if they do. They will bend over backwards to satisfy the most trivial of their child's wants. This gives a child the sense that he or she is somehow more important that anyone else around them, an attitude that can do nothing but harm the child.
"Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their children and therefore override all of their children's own desires and preferences."
Somehow, we got the notion in the West that children are capable of making important decisions for themselves. While it is important for children to learn decision-making skills, this does not include every possibility for every decision. If children were given that power, they would eat nothing but cake, do nothing but play video games, and help in nothing but their own gratification. “The natural man is an enemy to God,” (Mosiah 3:19) and while children can be wonderful and sweet and angelic, they also have moments in which it is clear that they have not yet overcome their natural tendencies. One of a parent's jobs is to teach them to do this: to think of others when they would naturally only think of themselves, to keep doing something that's hard or unpleasant because of the reward that will come only after hard work, to look to God on guidance about how they should pattern their lives.
Basically, parents should try to pattern their parenting after the ideal parent: God, our Heavenly Father. God demands that we live by high standards of behavior. He pushes us to do more than we think we can do. He helps us recognize our weaknesses so that we can turn them into strengths (see Ether 12:27). Yet, none of our shortcomings, mistakes, or even sins make him love us less. That is the kind of parenting that Mormons, or every parent for that matter, should emulate. I see some of these qualities in Chua's description of a Chinese mother, qualities that aren't very apparent in Western parents. That is not to say that I think that we should do everything that Chua describes, but we should be able to take advice from other cultures as long as it is bringing us closer to being like God.
"What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up."
How many children see how easy something looks while watching it on TV, beg to be allowed to do it, and then give up trying when they find that it is actually very hard. I know I did that at least once as a child. Is it okay to do it once? Sure. Is it okay to make it a habit? Absolutely not. Where I differ from Chua is that I think that children, whenever possible, should choose what they are spending this kind of effort doing. For example, I will do everything in my power to make my children want to play baseball, but if they ultimately decide that they like basketball more, I will let them focus on that sport (after I drop them off on the doorstep of some basketball-loving family that they can join).
"Chinese parents can get away with things that Western parents can't. Once when I was young—maybe more than once—when I was extremely disrespectful to my mother, my father angrily called me 'garbage' in our native Hokkien dialect. It worked really well. I felt terrible and deeply ashamed of what I had done. But it didn't damage my self-esteem or anything like that. I knew exactly how highly he thought of me. I didn't actually think I was worthless or feel like a piece of garbage."
Some of the greatest instigators for me to change have been moments when I felt like garbage. Neither of my parents have ever called me that or anything comparable, but I think that the principle that Chua is talking about here still applies. This principle is to hold children to a high standard and to let them know when they are not meeting it. I don't mean a standard such as a shooting percentage in basketball or performance on a test (we'll return to that topic later), but a simple standard of behavior. Let them know that you know that they have dissapointed in a specific instance (not that they are disappointments in general; we don't need our kids to be as messed up as the guy in Inception). I remember the moments when I disappointed someone I wanted to impress, and I have improved because of them.
"First, I've noticed that Western parents are extremely anxious about their children's self-esteem. They worry about how their children will feel if they fail at something, and they constantly try to reassure their children about how good they are notwithstanding a mediocre performance on a test or at a recital."
I do believe that we place far too much emphasis on self-esteem in our culture. I believe that when self-esteem becomes the main focus of raising children, the experiences that will actually build self-esteem don't ever happen. What are those experiences? Succeeding at something that was hard, developing self-discipline, working to accomplish a goal, and many other things. Getting praised for little effort does not build self-esteem. It builds a big (unjustifiably big, I might say) ego. This is a hard line to walk because parents have to determine if their child's performance was the best he or she could have done or if he or she could have reasonably done better.
"Chinese parents demand perfect grades because they believe that their child can get them. If their child doesn't get them, the Chinese parent assumes it's because the child didn't work hard enough."
I believe that a child's grades in school are a better reflection of that child's work ethic than intelligence. It is possible that a child isn't capable of grasping Calculus, but I was raised with the notion that anyone can do anything that they put their mind to. Parents should be more willing to push their children to work hard rather than shrugging their shoulders because that's just what their child is capable of.
"Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. The reason for this is a little unclear, but it's probably a combination of Confucian filial piety and the fact that the parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children."
Too often we see Western parents who, if they don't believe the opposite of this, behave as if they do. They will bend over backwards to satisfy the most trivial of their child's wants. This gives a child the sense that he or she is somehow more important that anyone else around them, an attitude that can do nothing but harm the child.
"Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their children and therefore override all of their children's own desires and preferences."
Somehow, we got the notion in the West that children are capable of making important decisions for themselves. While it is important for children to learn decision-making skills, this does not include every possibility for every decision. If children were given that power, they would eat nothing but cake, do nothing but play video games, and help in nothing but their own gratification. “The natural man is an enemy to God,” (Mosiah 3:19) and while children can be wonderful and sweet and angelic, they also have moments in which it is clear that they have not yet overcome their natural tendencies. One of a parent's jobs is to teach them to do this: to think of others when they would naturally only think of themselves, to keep doing something that's hard or unpleasant because of the reward that will come only after hard work, to look to God on guidance about how they should pattern their lives.
Basically, parents should try to pattern their parenting after the ideal parent: God, our Heavenly Father. God demands that we live by high standards of behavior. He pushes us to do more than we think we can do. He helps us recognize our weaknesses so that we can turn them into strengths (see Ether 12:27). Yet, none of our shortcomings, mistakes, or even sins make him love us less. That is the kind of parenting that Mormons, or every parent for that matter, should emulate. I see some of these qualities in Chua's description of a Chinese mother, qualities that aren't very apparent in Western parents. That is not to say that I think that we should do everything that Chua describes, but we should be able to take advice from other cultures as long as it is bringing us closer to being like God.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Why I Believe
Would I be a Mormon if my parents hadn't raised me as a Mormon? Without my parents to take me to church every week as a child, would I go to church today? If my parents hadn't set an example by living God's commandments while they were raising me, would I be living them today?
I've asked myself these questions. I don't think that anyone person of faith who was raised by faithful parents can avoid them if they want to seriously examine their faith and understand what it means to them.
But ultimately, the answer is a resounding, “I don't know.” I can't know unless someone finds a way to spy on some sort of parallel universe. But I think that the answer to all of those questions is, “Yes.” I would be Mormon, I would go to church, I would live God's commandments. I think this—you could say that I know it as much as anyone can know anything that is unknowable, which is part of faith—because my faith doesn't come from my parents. They were instrumental in directing me toward where I would find it, probably ensuring that I would find it a lot sooner than I would have otherwise, but they are not it's source.
My faith comes from God. It comes from experiences I've had while seeking Him through prayer. I have felt the power of His spirit answer questions like “Is the Book of Mormon true?” “Was Joseph Smith a true prophet?” and most importantly “Did Jesus Christ atone for my sins?” God has answered all of those questions for me.
Without my parents to teach me and provide a good example for me, I may not have asked those questions so early in life. They might have had to wait until two young guys in white shirts and ties, wearing black name tags knocked on my door, but I would have asked them. And I know that the answers would have been the same.
I've asked myself these questions. I don't think that anyone person of faith who was raised by faithful parents can avoid them if they want to seriously examine their faith and understand what it means to them.
But ultimately, the answer is a resounding, “I don't know.” I can't know unless someone finds a way to spy on some sort of parallel universe. But I think that the answer to all of those questions is, “Yes.” I would be Mormon, I would go to church, I would live God's commandments. I think this—you could say that I know it as much as anyone can know anything that is unknowable, which is part of faith—because my faith doesn't come from my parents. They were instrumental in directing me toward where I would find it, probably ensuring that I would find it a lot sooner than I would have otherwise, but they are not it's source.
My faith comes from God. It comes from experiences I've had while seeking Him through prayer. I have felt the power of His spirit answer questions like “Is the Book of Mormon true?” “Was Joseph Smith a true prophet?” and most importantly “Did Jesus Christ atone for my sins?” God has answered all of those questions for me.
Without my parents to teach me and provide a good example for me, I may not have asked those questions so early in life. They might have had to wait until two young guys in white shirts and ties, wearing black name tags knocked on my door, but I would have asked them. And I know that the answers would have been the same.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel
Of all the great Christmas songs—the fun ones, the rollicking ones, the cheerful ones, the reverent ones, the worshipful ones—“Oh Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel”—I guess you could describe it as a somber one—is my favorite. I especially like this version by Mannheim Steamroller that uses deep, almost Gregorian chant-like vocals, a cathedral echo, and is sung in Latin. Say what you will about Holly and the Ivy, or Rocking Around the Christmas Tree, or any other Christmas song, this one feels most like Christmas to me. I want to spend the rest of this post explaining why.
First, this song has a distinctly old feeling, which appeals to me. Not only was it written a long time ago (either in the eighth or twelfth centuries) but it’s use of the title “Emmanuel” harkens back to the Old Testament. The title literally means “God With Us,” and Isaiah uses it in speaking about the Messiah. When used with the plea, “Oh Come, Oh Come,” it reminds me of the time immediately preceding Christ’s birth.
While Joseph and Mary were on their way to Bethlehem, the Kingdom of Judah, what remained of the Twelve Tribes of Israel, was suffering under the tyrannical rule of the Romans. The second line of the song refers to “captive Israel,” and I think of this situation when I hear those words. These people were desperate for freedom and many believed that the Messiah would come and deliver them from this political bondage. Which would have made it all the more difficult to recognize, in the poor carpenter’s son from Nazareth, the awaited deliverer.
I want to go back, briefly, to that word “Emmanuel.” As we know, it means, “God With Us,” referring to Jesus’ premortal identity of Jehovah. Jehovah was the God of the Old Testament and he was born of the Virgin Mary in Bethlehem, literally making him God in the flesh, or God walking among us. I can’t imagine the kind of mental leap that the people around Jesus, the neighbors, the friends, the family, the strangers, must have made to look at someone they could see to be flesh and blood, just like they were, and say, “Yep, that there is God.”
True, he performed miracles among them, healing the sick and causing the lame to walk and the blind to see, but prophets did that stuff in the Old Testament too. Elijah even brought someone back from the dead. And it is also true that not everyone who followed him recognized him as the Messiah, but the mere fact that anyone did is mind boggling. That knowledge, that assurance, that the man standing in front of you, the man who breathes and eats and does everything else that you do, is God in the flesh can only come, as Jesus told Peter that it came to him, through the Holy Ghost.
When I hear this song, I wonder if I would recognize Christ for what he was. I wonder if I would have heeded that subtle voice of the spirit that was telling something that my brain would surely react against as impossible, or at least very unlikely.
Second, I like that this song is so old. As noted above, no one is exactly sure when it was written, but we know that it was sometime in the dark ages when Christianity consisted wholly of Catholicism. As a Mormon, I understand that the original church, the church that Christ established during his mortal lifetime, was lost soon after his death and ascension. The people of the eighth or twelfth centuries didn’t have the priesthood organization to facilitate revelation or to make their sacraments valid.
However, this song reminds me that many of them were still wholly devoted to Christ. They believed in him and relied upon his grace and mercy. This song is one of the most beautiful pleas for supplication that I have ever heard. It is far greater than most hymns that Mormons have come up with. Which is why it helps remind me of the bond that I share with my other Christian fellows, which is one of things that we should remember at Christmas, but also of the glorious truth of the restored gospel that these people can receive sacraments under the proper authority, even though they didn’t live in a time when that authority was active.
There has been a lot of great Christmas music written and I hope that more will be written in the future. I feel the reverence of songs like “Silent Night,” and “What Child is This?” as much as anyone. And I like to go riding in a one-horse sleigh and to make my Christmases holly and jolly as much as anyone. But this sacred song, “Oh Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel,” has a special place in my season’s celebrations. And I hope that whatever your favorite Christmas song is (and please tell me about your favorite in the comments) that this season helps remind you that Emmanuel did come, and that he did ransom us, and that he will come again.
First, this song has a distinctly old feeling, which appeals to me. Not only was it written a long time ago (either in the eighth or twelfth centuries) but it’s use of the title “Emmanuel” harkens back to the Old Testament. The title literally means “God With Us,” and Isaiah uses it in speaking about the Messiah. When used with the plea, “Oh Come, Oh Come,” it reminds me of the time immediately preceding Christ’s birth.
While Joseph and Mary were on their way to Bethlehem, the Kingdom of Judah, what remained of the Twelve Tribes of Israel, was suffering under the tyrannical rule of the Romans. The second line of the song refers to “captive Israel,” and I think of this situation when I hear those words. These people were desperate for freedom and many believed that the Messiah would come and deliver them from this political bondage. Which would have made it all the more difficult to recognize, in the poor carpenter’s son from Nazareth, the awaited deliverer.
I want to go back, briefly, to that word “Emmanuel.” As we know, it means, “God With Us,” referring to Jesus’ premortal identity of Jehovah. Jehovah was the God of the Old Testament and he was born of the Virgin Mary in Bethlehem, literally making him God in the flesh, or God walking among us. I can’t imagine the kind of mental leap that the people around Jesus, the neighbors, the friends, the family, the strangers, must have made to look at someone they could see to be flesh and blood, just like they were, and say, “Yep, that there is God.”
True, he performed miracles among them, healing the sick and causing the lame to walk and the blind to see, but prophets did that stuff in the Old Testament too. Elijah even brought someone back from the dead. And it is also true that not everyone who followed him recognized him as the Messiah, but the mere fact that anyone did is mind boggling. That knowledge, that assurance, that the man standing in front of you, the man who breathes and eats and does everything else that you do, is God in the flesh can only come, as Jesus told Peter that it came to him, through the Holy Ghost.
When I hear this song, I wonder if I would recognize Christ for what he was. I wonder if I would have heeded that subtle voice of the spirit that was telling something that my brain would surely react against as impossible, or at least very unlikely.
Second, I like that this song is so old. As noted above, no one is exactly sure when it was written, but we know that it was sometime in the dark ages when Christianity consisted wholly of Catholicism. As a Mormon, I understand that the original church, the church that Christ established during his mortal lifetime, was lost soon after his death and ascension. The people of the eighth or twelfth centuries didn’t have the priesthood organization to facilitate revelation or to make their sacraments valid.
However, this song reminds me that many of them were still wholly devoted to Christ. They believed in him and relied upon his grace and mercy. This song is one of the most beautiful pleas for supplication that I have ever heard. It is far greater than most hymns that Mormons have come up with. Which is why it helps remind me of the bond that I share with my other Christian fellows, which is one of things that we should remember at Christmas, but also of the glorious truth of the restored gospel that these people can receive sacraments under the proper authority, even though they didn’t live in a time when that authority was active.
There has been a lot of great Christmas music written and I hope that more will be written in the future. I feel the reverence of songs like “Silent Night,” and “What Child is This?” as much as anyone. And I like to go riding in a one-horse sleigh and to make my Christmases holly and jolly as much as anyone. But this sacred song, “Oh Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel,” has a special place in my season’s celebrations. And I hope that whatever your favorite Christmas song is (and please tell me about your favorite in the comments) that this season helps remind you that Emmanuel did come, and that he did ransom us, and that he will come again.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Conference Talk of the Week
This week's talk is Elder Jeffery R. Holland's talk, "Because of Your Faith." In it, he says these words:
"I am grateful for all the women of the Church who in my life have been as strong as Mount Sinai and as compassionate as the Mount of Beatitudes. We smile sometimes about our sisters’ stories—you know, green Jell-O, quilts, and funeral potatoes. But my family has been the grateful recipient of each of those items at one time or another—and in one case, the quilt and the funeral potatoes on the same day. It was just a small quilt—tiny, really—to make my deceased baby brother’s journey back to his heavenly home as warm and comfortable as our Relief Society sisters wanted him to be. The food provided for our family after the service, voluntarily given without a single word from us, was gratefully received. Smile, if you will, about our traditions, but somehow the too-often unheralded women in this church are always there when hands hang down and knees are feeble."
There are a lot of cliches in Mormon culture, but they take on meaning when they come at a time of need. My family was the recipient of Elders' Quroum ditch digging when floodwaters threatened our house. When have you or your family been blessed by a Mormon cliche?
"I am grateful for all the women of the Church who in my life have been as strong as Mount Sinai and as compassionate as the Mount of Beatitudes. We smile sometimes about our sisters’ stories—you know, green Jell-O, quilts, and funeral potatoes. But my family has been the grateful recipient of each of those items at one time or another—and in one case, the quilt and the funeral potatoes on the same day. It was just a small quilt—tiny, really—to make my deceased baby brother’s journey back to his heavenly home as warm and comfortable as our Relief Society sisters wanted him to be. The food provided for our family after the service, voluntarily given without a single word from us, was gratefully received. Smile, if you will, about our traditions, but somehow the too-often unheralded women in this church are always there when hands hang down and knees are feeble."
There are a lot of cliches in Mormon culture, but they take on meaning when they come at a time of need. My family was the recipient of Elders' Quroum ditch digging when floodwaters threatened our house. When have you or your family been blessed by a Mormon cliche?
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Did You Know...
Did you know that the First Counselor in the church's First Presidency is the son of a world renowned theoretical chemist? In fact, he developed the absolute rate theory of chemical reactions, which has been the basis for the work of many other chemists who have won the Nobel Prize. Why didn't he win the Noble himself? It seems that the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences didn't really understand the theory until it was too late to award him the prize. They tried to make up for it, though, by awarding him the Berzelius Medal in 1977. He explained the relationship between science and religion this way: "Is there any conflict between science and religion? There is no conflict in the mind of God, but often there is conflict in the minds of men."
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